


Confessions and Regrets

by Bisexual_Bean



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Bad and Ant are obviously having some issues, Because these kids deserve someone who actually cares about them, Bloodvines - Freeform, Found Family, Hurt/Comfort, I haven't seen anything for Awesamdad yet, I really just love the idea of Sam and Puffy being actual good adults, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Sam wants to give them one but they arn't ready yet, So we are changing that, Toby Smith | Tubbo Needs a Hug, TommyInnit Needs a Hug (Video Blogging RPF), Trauma, WOO, awesamdad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:27:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28996692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bisexual_Bean/pseuds/Bisexual_Bean
Summary: "He was just so fun to play with ya know?" A shiver runs up Sam's spine at the tone in the man's voice, "Forcing him into routine, watching his proud persona crumble into nothing until he was as good as a husk. He nearly ended it a few times...But I wouldn't let him. Knew he was to cowardly to actually go through with it anyways."And Sam, feeling a confusing rush of anger and concern and panic because Tommy is just a kid but refusing to show an ounce of emotion and give Dream any sort of upper hand, simply sits down in front of the lava on his end of the bridge and says, "Tell me about it."
Relationships: Sam | Awesamdude & Toby Smith | Tubbo, Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit
Comments: 50
Kudos: 1390





	1. Chapter 1

Sam listened as the remaining footsteps from Tommy echo throughout the prison. 

He huffed out a short puff of breath, spinning on his heel to follow to the younger boys path and return home for the day, when from the cell, beyond the popping lava, he heard a nearly silent, "I really messed him up, didn't I?"

And Sam being Sam, turned back to the boiling barrier, "What?"

He subtly throws a glance at the exit Tommy had just left through, the younger having had an arm around himself, like he was struggling to hold himself together long enough to escape the black walls. It makes him shift from foot to foot, makes him remember back to Tommy's exile day, remember offering his home to Tommy if the kid had needed it, remember stopping by briefly to drop off food and seeing the small rips already decorating his clothing.

Remember Tommy, months later in Dream's bunker, with a wild look in his eyes as he tried to make Dream explain what he did, and Dream refusing.

And Sam feels a sense of worry curling in his gut as a bitter laugh echo's on obsidian.

"He was just so fun to play with ya know?" A shiver runs up Sam's spine at the tone in the man's voice, "Forcing him into routine, watching his proud persona crumble into nothing until he was as good as a husk. He nearly ended it a few times...But I wouldn't let him. Knew he was to cowardly to actually go through with it anyways."

And Sam, feeling a confusing rush of anger and concern and panic because Tommy is just a _kid_ but refusing to show an ounce of emotion and give Dream any sort of upper hand, simply sits down in front of the lava on his end of the bridge and says, "Tell me about it."

\--------

Sam's pacing steps matched his pounding heart beat.

The more he had listened, the more Dream had blabbered and rambled and threw up words like they were nothing but made up stories and not about the actual torture of a _teenager_ _,_ the more furious Sam had become. It had unfortunately gotten to the point that he had to cut the prisoner off mid-sentence and abandon the building in fear of snapping and swimming through the boiling lava just to deliver a well deserved punch right to that stupid mask.

He couldn't stop imagining Tommy, scared and cold and _alone_ , with only the manic man for comfort. Couldn't stop thinking 'Why didn't I do something? Why didn't I visit more?' on loop.

It was suffocating. Flickering moments of dull stares, shaking hands with nails bitten down to the nub, trembling words hidden behind a boisterous laugh and snide comments.

It's become obvious to Sam that Tommy hasn't been ok in a long time.

And Sam had just stood on the sidelines and watched as person after person phased into his life, earned his trust and loyalty (Because _damnit_ if that kid wasn't stubborn to a fault) only to have them rub his face into the mud the moment he failed to follow their rules to the T.

He knew something had been wrong that day they cornered Dream. Knew that the way Tommy stared at the older, almost seeming to cling to him, mock him with a pit in the floor wasn't a good sign. Knew that the almost satisfied stare to grace Tommy's face wasn't just a kid playing around after winning a silly war. No, it was a look of revenge, of inner turmoil between fighting to stay and prove he was stronger than his abuser, and to run away and hide and find much needed comfort against the side of his best friend.

And Sam hadn't really done anything to stop it. He had given each of them a potion, sure, but had Punz not rushed all of them there (If they had gotten there just a minute later-) then he would have had to watch Tommy be thrown into the prison made by his very hands, be haunted by the image of a 17 year old boy, eyes bright and fingers coated in red stone powder, for the rest of his life.

Wilbur, Schlatt, Techno, Phil, Dream...How many people have failed these children? Just watched them walk by with bags under their eyes and hands balled up so tightly their knuckles turned white?

How many times had Sam himself not paid close enough attention?

His pacing slowed for just a moment, because while he might not have been aware enough to help them in the past, he could at least help now right? Offer them protection and safety and someone to confide in whenever they were ready. Sam wouldn't leave them alone like everyone else has. He now even knows a portion of what they have been through and can offer the required support.

But he also knows he can't just stroll up to them and tell them everything he knows. He can't corner them and force them to talk and cry and break down like they so desperately need.

Because it would make both of them immediately go on the defensive. They wouldn't respond well to those types of actions at all. Tubbo would close up tighter than any shulker box, and getting Tommy to sit still and be serious when he's in a good mood is hard enough, let alone when he's struggling and fighting with himself to try and make everything seem ok.

No.

Sam has to be careful about this. Ease them into it. He can't rush, because patience is the only thing that will encourage them to speak up and really trust that he won't turn on them like all of the other adults in their lives have.

Sam nods to himself. He has a plan. He's going to follow it even if it kills him.

And just as his footsteps come to a complete stop, Tommy strolls up to him.

Sam made sure not to focus on the fading bruises covering the kids arms. Made sure not to focus on the hand Tommy kept on his hip, as if ready to grab a weapon the moment it might be necessary. Made sure not to focus on the wide distance the younger purposefully had kept between them.

"Hey Tommy,"

"Sam! Just the man I was looking for! Boy oh boy do I have a proposition for you," A big wide smile, but it wasn't bright. Didn't reach further past Tommy's lips.

Sam hummed, let his arms dangle loosely at his sides as a silent show of peace, "Oh?"

"Yeah! I want to build a hotel, and I want you to help me!"

Sam offered a quite chuckle in return to the boys loud antics, keeping it soft and kind and welcoming. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to do.

His insides curled together in displeasure at not being able to do something right away, but he forced it down and nodded.

"Then lets get to work yeah?"

\--------

Oh god.

Oh god no.

What has he done?

Sam's heart beat pounded in his ears, eyes wildly flickering over the black obsidian incasing him, hiding his view from the sea of red he knew was surrounding him.

It was already under his feet, under his fingernails, in his lungs.

He never should have gone to the meeting. Never should have stayed and listened to Bad and Ant go off about Tommy. Never should have raised his voice and tried to defend the teenager against a bunch of people who obviously don't care and that he knew were out of their minds.

Sam had walked right into their trap.

And now Tommy and Tubbo, the very same children he had promised himself to protect, are out there. Alone. Being chased down and hunted.

While Sam was stuck down here, his throat already scratchy from screaming, skill throbbing at all the thoughts struggling to take a hold of his very being.

He should have warned them more. Made sure they were safely tucked away in Tommy's house or in Snowchester where non of these creeps could find them. Should have stayed there and watched over them and fought off anyone who he knew would try to cause them harm.

He had failed.

He had _failed._

And now tommy and Tubbo would pay the price.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam faded in and out of consciousness.

He doesnt know if its been hours, days, it could have been weeks with him completely unaware. All he knows is that every time he managed to claw his way back up to the surface and away from the inky blackness waiting below, he would become engulfed in agony. His head would throb against his skull, his skin would feel like it was trying to melt off of his bones, and his throat would beg for liquid.

Water? Blood? Sam doesn't think he'd even care at this point.

But this time, when he woke, it wasn't to his own pain needing to remind him off its existence, dragging him from an endless void of red and hushed murmurs whispering desire after desire to him.

A scarily familiar voice.

"Sam? Are you down here?"

Footsteps echoed from outside his case and Sam fought against his fatigue, desperately wanting to claw at the obsidian until he could peek through the crack. But his arms refused to move, his head only managing to lean forward until his forehead rested on the wall closest to the voice, heart beat pounding away inside his chest.

That voice shouldn't be anywhere near this place. Shouldn't be speaking his name so loudly and freely.

There was a pause in the persons steps before they broke out into a full sprint, narrowing in on his location.

"Sam? Are you in there? Sam?"

He honestly doesnt know how he manages. Maybe its the fear in their voice, the fists banging against the exterior of his box, the harsh breathing just on the other side of the wall that signalizes barely controlled panic, but he lets out a weak groan that vibrates through his very bones and makes him mentally hiss in pain.

"Sam! Sam hold on ok? We are gonna get you out in no time!"

Another set of footsteps hit his ears and even from his curled up position he can recognize the distinctive sound of hooves clicking against the floor.

"Get him out of there!" The voice screams and Sam feels the pressing urge to wrap them in a hug and reassure them.

"I will," the other person soothes, "But you need to move, I don't want to hit you."

There's a shuffling of footsteps and for a split second fear swallows Sam up. Were they leaving? Were they abandoning him?

But then a crack appears in the block in front of him, growing bigger with every swing of a pickaxe, and the voice booms in the background of each hit.

Two blocks later and Sam barely has enough time to relish in the light suddenly streaming in (Despite his eyes watering in protest) before a shadow crowds over him.

"Sam?"

Tommy.

The kid is kneeling in front of him, hair sticking up in random directions like he had been nervously running his fingers through it repeatedly. Shaky hands reach forward, pulling and tugging at the vines that Sam hadn't even realized were wrapped around his limbs and chest. From behind the teen he sees puffy, the older woman's anxiously switching between watching them with a saddened expression, and watching what he assumed was the exit in case of any sudden visitors.

Neither of them should be here. They are both in danger, risking their lives for his. 

Puffy should have been tucking Tommy and Tubbo away somewhere safe, not bringing one of them to the very place Bad and Ant have been attempting to lure them.

But them he lands his focus back on Tommy. On the way the kid struggles to pull him up and wrap Sam's arm around his shoulders. The way his mouth doesnt stop moving, words spilling from his lips like he's speaking just to fill the silence even if Sam didn't actually have the strength to listen.

If Tommy had made up his mind to hunt Sam down and rescue him, nothing Tubbo or Puffy said would have stopped him.

Sam wishes he could smile. Wishes he had enough left of him to chuckle and shake his head.

What a stubborn kid.

"Come on big man, we are almost out yeah? Then we can go home."

Home? Sam wanted to go home. He wants Puffy and Tubbo and Tommy to come back home with him. Where he knew they would be safe. Where he knew they would be protected. 

He thinks Tommy tenses, feels a hand squeeze his side, but doesnt manage to think about it before Puffy gathers up his other side.

"You're doing great Sammy," Her voice is soft in his ears, "Best on the field."

He wants to snort. He's a grown adult. Puffy shouldn't be congratulating him whiles he struggling to keep his feet under himself. 

Darkness clouds the edges of his vision on his next step, knees buckling under him so quickly he would have fallen forward onto his face had it not been for the two hands suddenly pressing against his chest and pushing him back up.

"Sam?" A new voice, young and just as soft as Puffy's, "Sam, stay awake. You need to st..."

\--------

_You can stay down there until you learn to love the egg._

_Just give in Sam, I will grant even your deepest desires_

_Come now, Sam._

_Sam._

_Sam._

"-am!"

Sam jerks awake, eyes wide and hand flying to his chest as though he could stop his heart from jumping out of his chest?

Tommy?

He looks around wildly. Home. He's home. He would recognize the plan stone, the ever lingering scent of George's old candles, the dog bed for Fran sitting in the corner, anywhere.

But no sight of Tommy.

Before he can speak, before he can even manage a full breath, a bottle is being forced into his hands, forced towards his mouth.

"All of it Sam. Drink all of it."

Only years of following that voice without question has him swallowing, cold water hitting his tongue and Sam thinks he might be crying with how good it feels sliding down his throat.

Once the bottle is completely drained of every last drop, no matter how desperately Sam wishes there were more, a hand wraps around his wrist and carefully pries it from his grasp before pushing him back down onto the bed.

Puffy sits, hovering over him from her chair next to his bed. She offers a small smile when she catches him watching her, "Conscious enough then, I hope?"

He frowns, noticing the paleness of her skin, the deep bruises under her eyes as if she hasn't slept for several nights.

"What happened...?" He whispers the word, not yet trusting his voice.

She hums, smile shrinking into something less gentle and more contemplative. Sam watches as she glances over her shoulder quickly to look towards the closed door before turning back to him, "What do you remember?"

"Bad? And Ant at the meeting? They...pushed me? And I fell..."

Puffy nods along, hands now nervously fidgeting in her lap. "They trapped you with it, the egg. And Ant nearly killed me before I escaped and hid," A pause, "You were there for about two days before Tommy and I managed to get you out and dragged you back here. I've been giving you water that we took from the church every time you've woken for the past few hours to rid you of any lasting effects it might have given you."

Sam shivers at the explanation, but pushes through the anxiety bubbling under his skin, "And the kids-?"

"They are in the other room, currently going through your chests," She finishes for him, hand pressing into his shoulder to stop him from moving, "They are safe Sam, I promise."

Relief washes over him at the words, tilting his head back and relaxing further into his mattress

Puffy's smile is bad when he looks at her next, standing from her chair and stepping towards the door, "Now get some more rest, you seem to be doing good so far but we dont want to push it.

He doesnt even attempt to fight the words, sleep already beginning to pull at him. 

Sam's gone before she even touches the doorknob.

\--------

Next time Sam wakes, it's to two shadows crowding on either side of him. The shadow to his right squeeze his hand every few seconds.

"Be real though, a salmon would definitely beat a squid," The voice to the right states proudly. Sam fights back a smile.

"Do you even hear yourself? Squids have tentacles!" The voice to his left responds.

The shadow to his right laughs, squeezes his hand once more and leans forward, "And squids are also really fucking stupid. Honestly Big T, it's like you don't even realize how aggressive salmons can get. A salmon would fuck a squid up no problem."

"I'll believe it when I see it."

"Alright then, right here right n-"

"Sam?"

Sam nearly flinches at his name being spoken so quietly and cracks his eyes open, rolls his head to the left, and meets Tubbo's eyes.

The older teen was no longer wearing his Snowchester jacket, exchanging it for a comfortable pair of pj pants and a hoodie he must have dug up from somewhere within Sam's home with how much he's drowning in it, rolled up sleeves and all. Despite the cozy appearance, a sheathed sword rests against his hip, but Sam doesn't mention the strange sight out loud and instead settles for a smile.

Tubbo returns it with his own glowing grin, jumping to his feet. Sam feels the hand in his flinch at the sound of the sword hitting the corner of the bed frame.

"Don't move yeah? I'm going to go get Puffy!"

He hums, thinks he manages a nod, before Tubbo is vanishing out the door and closing it behind him.

Sam takes another moment to himself, focuses on taking a few deep, settling breaths, before shifting onto his right side and meeting blue.

"Hi Tommy."

The teen is hunched forward in a way that cant be good for his posture, and Sam, knowing for a fact that Tommy is taller than Tubbo by quite a few inches, takes note of how small he looks sitting in Puffy's old seat. He has also changed from his normal clothing, long sleeve loose on him and extra fabric scrunched up at the wrists.

"Hi Sam," Tommy responds, voice quiet and nothing like the booming presence it had been not two minutes prior, "How are you feeling?"

Sam doesnt think of creeping red or inky waters pulling him down by his ankles. Doesnt think of Bad, his _friend_ , grinning ear to ear before pushing him down a pit in the floor, or Puffy's loud protests before Ant attempted to corner and kill her.

"Good enough," He states clearly, focusing instead on the hand gripping his tightly in comparison to the teens lax position.

Tommy nods. Once, twice, and then a third time.

"How are you feeling?" Sam offers an encouraging smile to the teen as Tommy's eyes jerk back to his.

There's a long pause before he speaks, "I went to Puffy after you didn't show for a couple days. She told me what happened," Tommy swallows, once again averting his gaze and biting his lip, "Sorry we didn't make it sooner."

Sam knew he was avoiding the actual question, but even then the response sounded wrong coming from Tommy's lips. To know that for two whole days Tommy was left alone. Thinking Sam had just vanished into thin air.

Thinking Sam had just abandoned him, like so many already have.

"Nothing to be sorry about," He keeps his voice soft, "You did good Tommy. Going to Puffy was a good idea. You did everything right."

Another squeeze to his hand. Tommy looks away.

"Ok."

The door to his room opens and Puffy steps in with Tubbo trailing after her, the youngers gaze flickering between the two of them.

A water bottle is being held in front of his face before be gets time to think about what the look might mean, "Drink."

He wants to laugh at the bluntness of the words, carefully pushes himself up to rest against the headboard, and takes the bottle from her offering grasp with his free hand.

Sam still nearly melts when the first drop touches his tongue, but hands it back to Puffy willingly once finished. She smiles, throws a look to the two teens now leaning heavily against each other, and brushes a hand through Tubbo's hair

"Why don't you two get to bed?"

Tommy's grip on Sam's hand tightens at the words, "I'm fine." He states slow and clear, attempting to subtly rub the sleep from his eyes and Sam fights the urge to just tug him forward and give him his bed because the kid really does look ready to pass out. Behind him, Tubbo is also struggling to stay away, heavily leaning on the back of Tommy's chair to remain standing.

Sam smiles, thumb smoothing over the back of Tommy's hand and catching his attention, "You two really should get some rest, and in the morning I'll make you guys a nice breakfast ok?"

He knows Puffy will probably be against him getting up and moving around so much, but with the way Tommy's shoulders slump forward and he gets a slight nod makes whatever verbal punishment she will give him worth it. 

Tubbo takes lead, pushing himself away from the chair and onto his own feet, fingers latching onto Tommy's sleeve and Tommy raises his eyes to look at him, hesitating before letting his hand slip from Sam's and standing from his seat.

Neither adult comments on how both kids paused at the door to look back at him before closing the door behind them, Puffy being quick to settle into her own seat and Sam runs a hand through his hair.

"How bad was it?" He glances at her, "Really?"

The frown to grace her lips was enough to tell him it wasn't very good at all.

"You passed out on the way here, you really scared both of them," Her words are quiet, and he knows it wasn't just the kids that he scared, "Tommy was freaking out even after we got you in bed, wouldn't leave your side."

He hums, and she continues, "After the first time you woke up and drank a bit, I sent them on a quest to scope the place out and made sure it was safe. After A bit I think Tubbo just kept him busy going through your stuff, because they didn't come back for quite a few hours.

Sam nods, fits back the urge to stand up and go check on them himself, "No one has tried to come after us?"

A shake of the head, "Not that I've caught sighting of. I haven't let the boys out of the bunker just to be safe, but I don't even know if they are aware you're gone."

"Good. The longer we have the better."

"Sam," The seriousness of her tone catches him off guard, "There was a vine in here when we first arrived. It's gone now, I went and destroyed it the moment we got you settled in, but we really need to be careful."

"They aren't going to touch them," He growls out, gripping the sheets on top of him tightly.

Puffy's firm nod and angered glare of her own is enough to tell him she agrees. It doesnt matter who it is, Bad, Ant, even Dream himself. If anyone attempted to hurt those kids, Sam won't hesitate to take one of their lives. If it meant keeping them safe he would take several.

He's already failed and left them alone once.

He won't do it again.


	3. Chapter 3

It was in the middle of the night, moon high in the sky outside his window, and Sam couldn't sleep.

Puffy had retired to bed hours ago, a promise held carefully in her eyes before she had left, and Sam had tucked it close to his chest. They would protect Tubbo and Tommy. He wasn't going to face this alone, face their trauma alone. Together they could help these boys heal.

But first he really needed to get some sleep.

Which continued to actively evade him.

He sighs, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of his bed, head resting in his hands. His thoughts were jumbled and chaotic and no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't manage to get a good hold on any of them.

The images of red clung to him like a fungi.

A creak had his attention flicking to the door before he could pick apart his thoughts any longer. No one attempted to open it, but Sam had built this place with his own two hands. He knew what floorboards were sturdy and what ones weren't.

Sam lets the sound settle in the air, waiting for it to repeat and getting to his feet when it doesnt, slipping silently across the room and standing in front of his door

What if it was Bad? Somehow managing to find his way to the bunker and it smart to take down Sam first? Would he drag Sam back to the egg and trap him again or would he simply try and kill him just to get him out of the way? Are they aware that Puffy, Tommy, and Tubbo are here also? Have they already been found out? But he didn't hear any-

There's a quiet sniffle, a hitch of breath, beyond the door and Sam is swinging it open without a second thought.

He obviously catches the other sides occupant off guard as Tommy's head snaps up, wide eyes meeting Sam's and Sam thinks he would rather have been punched in the gut as he notices the drying tear tracks on the teens face. But then Tommy's arms fly in front of his face as if blocking an oncoming attack and then Sam's blood is boiling in his veins, a faint hissing ringing in his ears and only causing the boy to tense up further.

Sam takes a second to calm his thoughts, takes several deep breaths until he can think without wanting to march into the prison and strangle the prisoner trapped inside.

"Tommy?"

In Tommy's defense, he notices his position quickly once Sam's voice breaks passed whatever flashbacks the kid might be having quickly, shrugging out of it as though the idea of Sam (Or someone else) hurting him hadn't been on the table, hands now forcibly hanging at his sides.

"Big man! What are you doing up so late?"

Sam frowns, hand resting on the back of the doorframe, and lets his eyes take in the boy in front of him.

Aside from the very obvious crying the teen had been doing he was also trembling, hands shaking and shoulders nearly meeting his ears. His eyes were still wide, flicking wildly between studying Sam and looking at literally anything else in sight.

"Did you have a nightmare?

Tommy choked on whatever words he was about to say next, momentarily freezing like a deer in headlights before bursting out in nervous chuckles.

"Come on now, it's me we are talking about! I don't get nightmares! I was sleeping as sound as a baby I tell ya, a baby!"

Sam hums, glances back into his room before returning his sights to Tommy and just managing to catch the broken look in the youngers eyes before he forces it back down.

"If you'd like you can relax with me for a bit. I have been having difficulty sleeping myself so I wouldn't mind the company."

He shifts from foot to foot, biting his lip, obviously thinking through Sam's offer before nodding. Sam offers a comforting smile in turn, stepping aside to let Tommy through first before following, leaving the door open and not missing the way Tommy relaxes ever so slightly when he notices.

No reason to make the kid feel trapped after all.

"Take the bed Tommy," Sam says quietly, having watched Tommy first heading to his chair from earlier in the day, still in the same spot Puffy had left it.

Tommy sends him an unreadable look, "I'm not here to sleep."

Sam hums, takes the chair during Tommy's short pause, "I know that, but its more comfortable than these old things. Trust me."

"Then shouldn't you be using it?"

He waves a hand at the shorter, settling into his seat, "My backs used to it. Really Tommy, it's ok."

The stare remains a moment longer before he's receiving a subdued nod and shuffles into the bed. Sam takes in the way he snuggles into the remaining warmth he had left behind while trying to sleep himself and fights the urge to wrap another blanket around him.

Blue eyes watch him from just above the covers and Sam smiles, "So-"

"Are you sure you're ok?"

The words have him freezing, caught off guard. 

"What?"

Tommy clears his throat, gaze shifting from Sam to the wall behind him and tucking himself further into the sheets like he was trying to hide, "I-I was just making sure because, ya know, that gross egg can really stick to your shoes and the vines are real gangly little things so..." He continues to ramble, slowly but surely curling up as he pulls his knees up to his chest.

Sam hesitates before reaching forward, settling a hand on top of the teens head, watching as Tommy's eyes snap back to his.

"I promise I'm ok Tommy. A little shaken up, but I'm not going anywhere ok?"

_I'm_ _ not going to leave you. _

Sam didn't think his heart could break any further until he noticed the tears gathering in Tommy's eyes.

"Mind if i lay with you?" He offers the words up, keeping his tone soft and barely above a whisper, but the wave of warmth that washed over him when Tommy nods and shuffles back to back room for him has him struggling to hold back a grin.

He takes his time climbing under the sheets and turning to face the teen, giving him plenty of time to adjust to the close proximity.

Tommy is still crying when Sam meets his eyes, silent tears and shaking shoulders, and Sam shuffles forward to tuck him against his chest.

"I-I didn't mean to cry...I-I'm sorry..." He hears the words mumbled into his shirt and Sam rushes to correct him, shaking his head.

How dare anyone give this child the impression that crying was not allowed and that he should feel ashamed of it. How dare they put that kid of pressure on him after all he's been through?

Then Tommy snuggles further into his grasp, hair tickling Sam's throat, and he sets the feelings of anger and frustration aside, resting a hand on the crown of Tommy's head and rubbing his back.

"You haven't done anything wrong. Nothing ok?" he murmurs, shushing and tugging the kid closer when a sob escapes him.

"You wont leave right?"

Sam wishes he could curl around Tommy and protect him from every bad thing the world attempts to throw at him. Wrap him up in blankets and sweaters and fight off anything that even tries to come close to him. But he can't do that, can only be here and give Tommy a shoulder to cry on.

"I wont," The firmness in his voice scares him. 

"Promise?" The word was so quiet that Sam barely heard it. Hesitant and shaky and Sam wonders how he got attached to this kid so quickly.

"Promise."

Tommy nods, head bumping against Sam's chin and Sam runs his fingers through the youngers hair, relief flooding his veins as he listens Tommy's breathing slowly even out, indicating the kid falling asleep.

It's only after a few minutes pass that Sam hears the familiar creek from his doorway.

He glances up, careful not to disturb Tommy, who he knows desperately needs the sleep, to see Tubbo shifting back and forth just inside of his door.

"Hi..." Sam smiles, watching the boy peek out from behind his bangs, eyes flickering between the two of them.

"Is Tommy ok? I heard him get up."

That was over a half hour ago. Has Tubbo been waiting outside of his room for a whole half hour, standing patiently and waiting for Tommy to fall asleep so he could have a vulnerable moment with Sam?

"Tommy's going through a lot right now," He keeps his voice gentle, beckoning the shorter teen further into the room and Tubbo slowly but surly makes his way over to the bed, standing in front of his chair from earlier in the day.

His eyes don't leave Tommy the whole time, a hand reaching forward to brush a stray strand of hair out of the boys face.

Sam watches the exchange in silence, Tubbo's eyes softening as Tommy smiles in his sleep before crinkling up in displeasure and taking his hand back, gaze flicking to Sam, "I should be getting back to bed. I just wanted to make sure he was safe."

He feels the unspoken weight behind the words.

"Stay."

It obviously catches the boy off guard, hands tightening into fists, "I really shouldn't-"

"Nonsense," Sam is already carefully shuffling Tommy closer to the middle of the bed to make room for him, the younger teen grumbling unhappily at being moved before humming in contentment as Sam tucks him back against his chest.

Tubbo hesitates for another few seconds, weight shifting back and forth nervously before slipping under the covers.

He seems pleased with the warmth, curling under the sheets before reaching forward to rest a hand on Tommy's back. 

"He's not mad at you. For what you did," Tubbo frowns when the words pass through Sam's lips, the distant look in his eyes reminding Sam of his time as president and he once again feels an urge to travel back in time and punch Wilbur for ever forcing such a big responsibility on a _teenager._

"I know that."

"Do you?"

Blue shoots up and for a split second Sam thinks he took it a step too far, an apology prepared on the tip of his tongue before Tubbo sighs, rubs at his eyes in a way that somehow manages to make him look even more exhausted.

"I messed up," He grumbles, obviously struggling to force the words out, "I did something rash and stupid. And I thought I had paid the price for it with Tommy's life."

"You guys survived dooms day-"

"No!" Is hissed from the teen before they both freeze, making sure Tommy doesn't wake before he continues, "No...No I..." A pause, Tubbo buries a hand in his hair, "I had finally managed to make the time needed to visit him and I found a blown up Logstedshire and a tower." He swallows, "A really tall tower."

Oh.

_ Oh. _

_ Oh no. _

Sam's grip around Tommy tightens almost subconsciously, his heart beat picking up at the thought of Tommy standing on a pillar high in the sky were the clouds could touch him, empty gaze staring down at the ground beneath him as he prepared to jump.

Dream had mentioned Tommy wanting to take his own life, but he hadn't given specifics, didn't want to go into detail even when Sam asked.

The look on his face must be enough for Tubbo to read his emotions, the brunet nodding as he rubs a hand up and down Tommy's back. If Sam didn't know any better he seemed to relax further with the touch, as if it was a constant reminder that Tommy was still real. Still alive and breathing and in front of him.

"Yeah. And then he suddenly showed up with Techno and I... I just didn't know what to think- What to do- I just-"

Sam's leaning forward, releasing his hold on Tommy long enough to rest a hand on Tubbo's arm, "Calm down, breath."

Tubbo takes a solid gasp of air, finally seeming to give into his urge to curl up against Tommy.

"You both did some things that might not have been the best choices. All of this isn't just on you, and all of it isn't just on Tommy. _Most_ of it shouldn't even be on either of you, but instead the people who forced you into those situations," Tubbo watch's him the whole time he speaks, eyes shinning with unshed tears and Sam gives into the urge to wrap him up in a hug and pull him closer to both of them.

"I told Tommy I wasn't going anywhere, and that goes for you too ok? I'm going to be here to protect you guys for as long as I am able."

"Promise?"

The tone is so similar to the one Tommy had used earlier in the night and Sam nods, rubs circles into the teens back in a way he hopes screams comfort, "I promise."

And that's how Puffy finds them the next morning, panic in her eyes, the words 'The kids are missing' on her lips, and Tommy and Tubbo both snuggled up together with Sam holding them both as close to him as he could manage.

He would keep that promise if it killed him.


	4. Chapter 4

The day had been going so well.

After Puffy's small freak out (Followed by an absolute _gushing_ over the three of them somehow managing to fit into Sam's bed) Sam had gotten up against her wishes to make breakfast just like he had promised.

Managing to snatch up a few eggs from surrounding chickens nest and hunt down a stray pig that had been wondering close to the bunker door he managed to put together a relatively ok breakfast. The two teens had stumbled from his bedroom not long after Puffy had finished setting the table, rubbing at their eyes with balled up fists, Tubbo leaning heavily against Tommy's side like he would collapse and pass out again otherwise.

Puffy had herded them into their seats, filled their plates with food, and now both couldn't seem to keep their mouths shut. Not that Sam was complaining. It was nice to see the bright eyed Tommy he remembers from the kid's first few weeks on the server, the way Tubbo would move with his entire body when he spoke, making up for his lack of size or the volume of his voice.

Which lead to Tubbo discussing his need to return home, if just for a moment, because someone from his new nation needed to know not to expect him around for a few days at the least.

Sam had been stressed about the idea of Tubbo just leaving by himself, but Puffy had gladly offered to go with him, since the only people actually being actively searched for was him and Tommy.

'I'll keep him safe' she had said the words softly with a hand on his arm, in the few minutes it took the shorter teen to grab what he needed from his and Tommy's room (Their _room._ In Sam's home. They had a room in his _home_ ). Tubbo had even promised Tommy to gather up some of his things from his house while they were out.

He knew Tommy hadn't felt good about Tubbo leaving either, and while Sam knows their relationship has gotten better, with Tommy trusting him enough to come to his room the previous night, to cry and ask for the touch Sam knows he's been deprived of, he still didn't know exactly where Tommy stood with him as a whole.

Puffy and Tubbo had always just been a room away the whole time they've been camping out in the bunker, and Sam really didn't want Tommy to feel trapped with him without someone he could escape to if needed being here. Didn't want to risk Tommy running away if he didn't think Sam could keep him safe.

And at first Sam will admit it was a bit tense. Puffy had promised they would be back by nightfall, but ten minutes in Sam had found Tommy already pacing by the door, nails chewed down to the nub and a hand buried in his hair.

Sam had sighed, carefully stopping the teen mid-stride with a hand on his back, and lead him to what Sam considered to be the living room of his bunker. He had settled the kid down with several blankets, a cup of hot coco, and a book and two had passed the first few hours in nothing but comfortable silence. That is, until Sam eventually broke away from his reading to tell Tommy about a few of his adventures over the years.

When Tubbo and Puffy had returned, snow in their hair and a satchel of leather and beef hanging from Puffy's grasp, Sam had been spinning around the room, arms spread wide and giving a detailed description of a jungle tomb he had once discovered and raided while a swarm of zombies attempted to catch him.

Puffy had burst out into laughter, setting her bag down and joining in with her own tales with both teens now nestled together for warmth with wonder in their eyes.

Eventually the stories did have to be put on hold. Dinner needed to be made and the two were itching to ruffle through what Tubbo had managed to bring home.

The smell of fresh herbs and steak soon filled the air, baked potatoes in the oven, and Sam had just finished setting the table when Puffy asked him to go gather up the boys.

"You sure?"

Puffy nodded, head tilting back towards one of Sam's storage rooms, "I heard them shuffling around in there not to long ago, so they might still be there."

Sam smiles, hands her the plates in his hands and moves towards the room, already hearing the laughter barely contained within before he even opens the door.

Inside he finds Tommy and Tubbo just as he expected, over sized armor on each of their shoulders, and one of his golden crowns adorned on top of Tubbo's head, threatening to fall off with every shift of the boys feet.

"Come on boys, dinner is ready and waiting."

Tubbo pouts, but gives in easily enough as he begins tugging on the leather straps keeping his chest plate on, "Can I at least keep the crown?"

A chuckle bubbles its way up through his chest and passed his lips, "Sure," Tubbo beams at the response, carefully placing his armor back in the chest behind him and Sam then casts his eyes over to Tommy who's hands rest on his hips, chest puffed out, "Come on Tommy, before it all gets cold."

"Just a little longer big man. I was the brave knight defending Tubbo's honor!"

Sam shakes his head, taking a step forward and holding his hand out, "Give me the armor and after you are finished eating you can continue alright?"

But by the end of his sentence Tommy was standing rigidly in front of him, once bright eyes seeming to stare right through him and Sam couldn't help but feel a chill go up his spine.

Dream's words flashed in front of his eyes. Bitter laughter ringing in Sam's ears as the man spoke, 'Everyday I would force him to dump his armor in a pit and blow it up. Got to the point where I barely even had to ask before he was throwing it off!'

From the corner of his eye he knows Tubbo is looking between them, obvious concern in his gaze but unaware of what was going on.

And Sam realized, upon closer inspection, that Tommy wasn't even _breathing._

"Tommy," Sam felt his own heart rate spike, "I need you to take a breath ok? Take a breath," But the teen wasn't listening to him. Didn't even react when Sam stepped forward and set his hands on his shoulders.

"I'm sorry," It was whispered in a rush, Tommy's shoulders curling inward, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," The words were a mantra on his lips, each one sounding more broken and pleading than the last.

"No, no. There is nothing for you to be sorry about," Sam slides his hands over Tommy's shoulders and down his arms. Settling at his hands, he carefully pries them from the tight balls the boy had wrapped them into, very aware of the crescent marks left behind on the palms of his hands.

He hears a crown clatter to the ground and Tommy nearly jerks out of his grasp to try and get away from the sound, knees buckling beneath him and Sam barely manages to catch him and lower him to his knees. Next to them, Tubbo is obviously struggling to hold back his own panic, Sam sending him a soft look, "Go get Puffy ok? Can I trust you to do that?"

Tubbo is nodding and running from the room before he can even finish his sentence and Sam feels at least a fraction of relief when the room is vacant aside from him and Tommy. Puffy will help get Tubbo's panic under control. Puffy will help him breath and calm down and Sam can put all of his focus into making sure Tommy is ok.

Who has, in the past two minutes since Sam last looked at him, gone from not breathing at all to teetering on the edge of hyperventilating, chest rising and falling in breaths so quick for Sam to keep up with.

Sam itches to get rid of the chest plate that very well could be constricting his breathing, but he fears forcibly removing the armor from the teen would only make it worse, so he continues to squeeze Tommy's hands in his grasp, attempting to ground him.

"Tommy, Tommy I need you to focus on my voice ok? No matter what you are seeing, I am right here."

Tommy's eyes flicker to his face, his mantra of apologies only growing in volume.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

Sam presses the hands he's holding against his chest, feels his heart beat (Though thundering, not nearly as fast as Tommy's) and tells Tommy to breath with him.

Minutes pass (Hours?) with Tommy stuttering out breath after breath, whispered words dripping off his tongue until he simply gives in and collapses forward against Sam's chest. The metal digs uncomfortably into his stomach, but Sam ignores it for burying a hand in the younger boys hair and rocking them back and forth in a way he hopes is comforting.

"So good Tommy. You're doing so good," He can't help but press a kiss into Tommy's hair, cheek resting on the crown of his head, "You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm so sorry.." Tommy whispers, voice cracking mid-sentence, and Sam things it's the saddest thing he's ever heard in his whole life.

"Don't be. Please. Please don't be sorry."

"I...He..."

Sam's nods, "I know. What he did was wrong. No one should ever take your things away, no matter what you did."

Tommy curls closer to him, arms tight around his torso and gripping the back of his shirt so tightly Sam fears the stitching might rip. Tommy cries out like he's in pain, the sounds barely muffled by Sam's shoulder and all Sam can do is hold him close and rub circles into his back and just let him release all of the pain and suffering that he's been holding in for so long.

Minutes drag on until the tears slow then turn into quiet whimpers and Sam has managed to shuffle them around until he could lean back against his shoulder, fingers rhythmically running through Tommy's hair and allowing quiet reassurances to pass his lips every other breath.

Slowly the teen in his lap uncurls from his ball, simply resting his weight against him, trembling fingers picking at the fabric of his shirt, "He told you, didn't he. Everything that happened," It wasn't a question.

Sam sighs, tilt his head back till it bumps against the metal latch behind him, "Not everything, but enough."

"So this whole time you've just been around pitying me? Because what- You think I'm to weak to take care of myself? Because some crazy lunatic kept me trapped and picked me apart piece by fucking piece?" The growing anger in his voice should startle Sam, But he just forces another steady breath through his lungs, gently pushes Tommy back until he can look into the boys eyes, refusing to allow Tommy to cover the pain with rage.

Tommy looks like a mess when he takes him in. Eye's puffy from crying and cheeks a blooming red. He seemed to have gained back all of the stress he had lost over the day and Sam's heart sinks as he reaches forward to caress the teens cheek, thumb rubbing away a few stray tears that threatened to fall.

"I didn't start befriending you and caring for you out of pity Tommy. I would never," He pauses, lets Tommy process the words, take in Sam's own heart broken expression, "I was simply reminded about how you and Tubbo shouldn't have gone through what you have. What you are _currently_ going through. Being exiled twice? Watching your family die and betray you? Becoming _president?_

Tommy looks like he's ready to fight against the argument but Sam shushes him before he can speak.

"I know you guys are both strong. I have watched that strength grow with my own two eyes and I couldn't be more proud of all that you boys have done so far. But what Wilbur and Schlatt did? What Techno and Phil and _Dream_ -" Sam notices the small flinch at Dreams name and frowns "did? Non of that was ok. Non of that should have been put on either of your shoulders. You should have been running around having fun! Not learning to shoot and defend a country constantly on the break of collapse."

"Wilbur needed my help. I was his right hand man-"

"Wilbur was my friend," Sam stated clearly, "He was strong and loyal and hardworking. He knew what he wanted in life and I respected his drive to complete it. But it was not yours, nor Tubbo's, job to help him with that vision. Even if you shared it. And I watched him get swallowed up by that pit after Schlatt won the election."

The crumbled stare Tommy sends him tells him much about what happened in that old ravine. Something he fears Tommy will never be ready to share. Something that will cling to the edges of Tommy's thoughts for the rest of his life.

He watches Tommy reach up to grip his wrist, taking in the way Tommy's fingers press firmly against his pulse like he needs the physical reminder that this is all real, "Neither of you should have been anywhere near either of them. And it will forever be mine and every other adult on this servers fault for not stopping any of it when we could."

"He hurt me..." He whispers, broken and sad, eyes filled with to many emotions for Sam to pick apart, "He _hurt_ me!"

Sam doesnt ask him to clarify. Doesn't ask him if he was talking about Dream, or Wilbur, or Techno, or even Phil. He simply pulls Tommy forward until he's once again resting on his chest and finally looks up to meet their visitors eyes.

Tubbo is trembling several feet away from them, Puffy's arm wrapped securely around his shoulders. Blue eyes wide and staring at Tommy's back like he was seeing his best friend in a whole new light.

If what Tubbo had mentioned to him last night was anything to go by, he probably was.

Sam takes a moment to study them, Puffy with her own pained expression, eyes meeting his in a similar understanding of guilt and regret for what they should have done. And Tubbo, who wavered on his feet even with Puffy helping to keep him upright, hand reaching out in a silent plea.

He nods, reaching his free arm towards the teen and Tubbo sprints forward without an ounce of hesitation, crashing into Sam's embrace and Sam knew his back would be hurting tomorrow but couldn't be bothered to pay it any mind. Not when he had two sobbing children in his arms, Tubbo somehow managing to wrap around Tommy even with the golden armor still being worn, resting the younger boys head in the crook of his neck, and Tommy clinging back to him with equal force, gripping Tubbo's hoodie like it was keeping him from drowning.

Sam knew this wasn't a cure all. Knew both of them still had so much hidden from him, hidden from each other. So much ugly that they feared showing to anyone in case it would leave them isolated and alone.

But he won't turn them away. He knows he won't. Knows he would hold them till his very last breath, promise on everything that he knew to keep them safe, to give them an ear that will listen, a hand that will wipe away their tears.

To give them someone that will love them.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam jerks forward as another snowball smacks into his back, Tommy's boisterous laughter hitting his ears.

"Take that big man!"

The laughter continues to ring in his ears as Sam twists around, throwing his own snowball back in retaliation. Unfortunately, Tommy ducks behind a tree before it can hit its target, said teens head popping out from behind his cover, a grin that stretches from ear to ear bright on his face.

"Missed!"

"It's not my fault you're too slippery," Sam chuckles, watches Tommy scurry away with Fran hot on his heels.

"It's not my fault that you cant keep up with those old bones of yours!"

He bursts into laughter at the call out, hands resting on his hips.

Two more days had gone by with no word from anything within the SMP. No word from Snowchester after Tubbo's visit, no sightings of Bad or anymore vines after Puffy destroyed the first.

But apparently the peacefulness the four of them were holding was concerning, because Sam woke up that morning to Puffy standing over him, telling him that she was going to sneak back into town to make sure everything was ok, but had strictly turned down the idea of someone coming with her when Sam mentioned it.

'We were lucky when I brought Tubbo with me last time, but we shouldn't be taking unnecessary risks if I'm just going to be scooping out the area.'

'Then at least let me come with you, I could check on the prison while we are in town.'

Puffy had laughed, waved a hand at him, 'You have the prison set up so you don't even have to be there for it to run. And even if something were to go wrong with it, you would be alerted before the second block was broken. By now Bad and Ant have to know you've escaped and will be on the lookout for you. Non of that is worth leaving Tommy and Tubbo here alone.'

As much as Sam had hated to admit it she was right. He couldn't afford to get caught again and leaving the boys alone in the middle of nowhere is a no-go.

'I mean it, I'll be perfect fine. In the mean time, why not take them outside for a break? I think Tommy might explode if we keep him trapped inside any longer.'

Which lead them to now. Tommy and Tubbo both bundled in several more layers, and Sam the unfortunate victim of Tommy's snow ball abuse.

When Sam had finally let Fran loose, she had instantly taken to the teens, draping herself over Tubbo when he was relaxing on the floor, clinging to Tommy's side and sneaking pieces of his meals. Sam thinks she enjoys having people who can keep up with her extensive amount of energy, because he sure cant.

Tubbo sits peacefully near the porch of his fake home, a leather bound book in his lap and a mug of tea melting the snow next to his feet. Both boys had been ecstatic when Sam had put the small bench together for them, two messy names already carved into the back.

It's when Tommy comes hurling towards him, Sam just managing to open his arms to catch the shorter and sending them both tumbling back into the snow, that Sam lets out a hearty laugh and ruffles Tommy's hair.

"Ok, ok. Time for me to take a break."

Tommy has a pout on his face when Sam looks down at him, snow flakes clinging to his hair and eyelashes, cheeks red from the cold.

"But we were just getting started!"

Sam chuckles, "We've been playing for over an hour and I'm not nearly as young as I used to be. But I'm sure Fran is completely up for taking over for me."

Both of their eyes shift over to the dog resting at their side patiently, tail wagging and tongue hanging out of her mouth.

Tommy gladly takes the given bait, pushing himself up and away from Sam, running after the dog as she sprints further into the trees.

Sam lays still until the cold starts to seep into his clothing, standing and shaking the remaining snow from his jacket and hair.

He makes his way over to Tubbo, the younger offering a smile and welcoming him by scooching over to make an open space on the bench.

"Done already?"

"That's what Tommy said."

Tubbo flips to the next page in his book, "Its only been an hour."

"You youth these days with all your energy. You take it all for granted," He points a thumb at his chest, "Once you get to my age you'll understand I promise you that," Tubbo burst into laughter at the words, closing his book and setting it down next to him.

Sam cant hold back his own smile. Tommy may have been on the server longer (Though not by much), but Tubbo has always been the one Sam would say he actually had a sturdy relationship with. They've gone mining together, worked red stone till their hands were stained red and their backs ached.

Sam _knows_ Tubbo.

But at the same time, the kid has slowly become a complete mystery to him. A maze of hidden reactions and emotions. Of faked laughter and carefully timed smiles. Unlike Tommy, who preferred to lash out and make his frustrations known to anyone and everyone, Tubbo has always had a habit of concealing his anger and sadness from nearly everyone, projecting forward a maturity that has never sat right with Sam.

"So, have you guys been liking it here?" Sam glances at him from the corner of his eye, watches the teen shift in his seat and nod.

"Yeah, Tommy's really settled in."

"And you?"

Tubbo breaks his gaze away from the taller teen, smile gentle and calming, "Of course. I'm thankful to you for offering your home up to us."

Sam nods, rubs his hands together to attempt to warm them.

"You're doing good by him," The words came from no where, short and to the point and if Sam focused he could swear they sounded strained.

He nodded again, watched as Fran knocked Tommy back into a pile of snow, "I'd like to do good by both of you."

A chuckle. It didn't hold an ounce of joy, "What, Dream tell you something about me too?"

"Yeah. He did."

Tubbo's eyes snapped up to meet his in a second, wide and concerned and looking just about ready to bolt from his seat if Sam were to say the wrong thing.

"I didn't want to mention it in front of Tommy in case you weren't ready for him to know," He keeps his volume low and controlled. Last thing he needed was for Tubbo to break away from him just as the teen was beginning to open up to him.

"And what might that be?" Sam rests his elbows on his knees, chin in his palm.

"Mainly about how willing you were to die for Tommy's disks."

Silence sat between them for several long minutes, Sam making sure to keep the wide space between them, watching Tubbo take breath after breath as he refused to look away from Tommy like it was the only thing keeping him together.

"Those disks are important to Tommy," Is what he finally says.

"So are you."

"I know that," Tubbo hisses back at him, taking a split second to make sure the younger teen is distracted and paying no attention to them.

Sam lets out a long sigh, "Then why sacrifice yourself so easily? Dream himself said he was shocked at how quick you had just given in at the end. If we hadn't shown up when we did what do you think would have happened?"

"Tommy would still have been safe. Still would have been able to get his disks and send Dream to prison," Tubbo's fingertips drummed along his leg as he spoke, tapping to some song unknown to Sam's ears.

"What do you think it would have done to him, watching you die like that? Because if you think Dream would have been clean about it you're just lying to yourself."

"He would have been alive. You would be keeping him alive," Tubbo says the words like he needs to convince himself more than Sam, and Sam nearly flinches away at the way each word hits his chest.

He fights the urge to tuck the teen against his hip, "But he wouldn't have been happy. He would be worse off than he is now," Sam pauses, "Loosing you would have broken him Tubbo."

"I'm older!"

Tommy's head shoots up from where it had been resting in the snow, blue eyes wide and Sam watches the way Tubbo throws him a smile, waving him off when Tommy starts to get up. Tommy pauses for another second, gaze skimming over both of them, before nodding and laying back down.

Tubbo keeps the smile on his face just long enough to make sure Tommy won't look up before letting it fall away, burying a hand in his hair. 

"I'm older Sam. When Wil-" He cuts himself off, shoulders shaking, and swallows before continuing, "When he died he left me in charge. Of L'amanburg, sure. But also Tommy."

"You're not that much older than him Tubbo. You're still a kid."

"We both know Tommy and I haven't been kids for a long time."

Sam hums, leans back against the back of the bench and stretches his legs out.

He takes in the teen next to him. The burn marks just peeking out from under his collar, ugly red crawling up his throat. The plethora of small scars that are sprinkled along his fingers, small and faded but oh so many. The dull look in his eyes that makes him seem a hundred years older, the weight of a nation placed on his shoulders way to early in life.

Maybe what he said was true. They haven been kids in a long, long time. But that doesn't mean they cant start over.

"I meant what I said with Tommy the other day. That what's happened, what this server has done to you guys, is wrong. You believe me on that right?"

"That doesnt change the fact that it happened."

"No, it doesnt," Sam states the word firmly. He wishes he could go back and stop it, but he cant, "But understanding that it was out of your control is the first step to healing."

Tubbo snorts and Sam lets out a loose chuckle of his own, watching the way Tubbo runs a hand through his hair.

"I know you've got a lot in that head of yours Tubbo. I know you've been forcing it all down to focus on Tommy. To make sure he is being taken care of. But I've got that covered. It's ok for you to take a break now, to focus on yourself a bit more.

Sam settles further into his seat, hums a tune he remembers his mother always being a fan of. He listens to the short hitches of breath, the nearly silent sobs that Tubbo freely lets fall and drip off his chin.

He doesn't mention a thing when a weight falls against his side.

"So much of what happened was my fault," He whispers, and Sam's looping an arm around his shoulders and squeezing, "I needed to be strong for him. I need to be strong for him because I couldn't trust anyone else to, and in the end I couldn't even trust myself."

"Dream forced you into something you couldn't escape from. I know you wouldn't have hurt him if you thought there was a better way."

Tubbo sniffles.

"And I know you haven't been able to trust anyone else with him in the past. But I promise you can trust me."

"I don't know if I can." 

Sam rubs a hand down his arm, feels each tremble and shake of his shoulders.

"This is a good start though, don't you think?"

Tubbo laughs, and while Sam can hear the weight, the pain, echoing throughout it, he can also hear a lightness, a heavy pressure being lifted off Tubbo's chest with each wet chuckle until it trails into a peaceful silence.

"Do you think he knows what we've been talking about?" The question is whispered a few minutes later, Tubbo's head resting on his shoulder, body sagging against his side like he could use a few more hours of sleep.

Sam thinks for a moment before speaking, "I think, for as much as people bash on him for not thinking things through, that he's smart. He probably already knows and is just waiting for you to bring it up first."

He smooths his fingers through his hair, feels his chest glow in warmth when Tubbo willingly leans into the touch, "Is this when you start making me talk about my feelings more often?"

"I think Tommy and I would both appreciate having a little more access to that amazing mind of yours, but I'm not here to force you to do anything."

Tubbo turns until he's better resting against him, "I don't think its going to be that easy."

"I didn't expect it to be. But I've known you long enough to know that you're smart. You know that accepting our help is important to healing. And I'm always here if you need to talk," He tilts his head towards Tommy, "I'm sure it can be hard talking to Tommy because you don't want to upset him."

"He doesnt deserve to listen to what I've gone through."

Sam snorts, rests his cheek against Tubbo's hair, "I think the idea of knowing you are suffering in silence hurts him even more."

"Maybe."

"Just think on it yeah? I know its hard, but I promise we will all be here to help every step of the way."

Tubbo clears his throat and Sam raises his eyes just in time to catch Tommy running towards them, struggling not to trip over his own feet.

The blinding grin on his face vanishes when he notices Tubbo , drying tears still on his cheeks.

"Hey Tubbo... You ok?"

Sam keeps still, feels Tubbo shift around before he shakes his head.

Tommy frowns, eyes flickering between the two of them before pulling on Tubbo's arm.

"Want to come join me and Fran? We even found this small clearing that isn't covered in snow..."

Tubbo hesitates before he stands up and moves away from Sam, Tommy instantly wrapping an arm around the shorter boys shoulders and pulling him close to his side.

Sam stays where he is as they walk away, just managing to hear, "Did you want to talk about it?" from under Tommy's breath and watch's as Tubbo lean closer to him before nodding.

He smiles, picks up the book Tubbo had been reading and flips to the first page.

Maybe things really can get better.

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck it, DreamSMP Fan fiction. For those of you that already know me know that I'm a big sucker for found family and just adults being protective over abused children in general. I originally just wrote a chunk of this on accident while talking about Sam's comments about Dream mentioning his abuse with Tommy with a friend, but decided to throw it out on here to see how it goes. As normal, let me know if i missed anything and enjoy!


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